TikTok witches claim Tom Brady’s career is over due to Gisele’s charms.

Tom Brady at the Patriots training camp earlier this month. Photograph: Steven Senne/AP

TikTok witches claim Tom Brady’s career is over due to Gisele’s charms.

Tom Brady’s career is going to come to an end as a series of protective wards and charms set on him by Gisele Bunchen will be lifted following their divorce. This, according to witches who have taken to TikTok to describe how Tom wronged a witch and now has to feel her wrath.

The #WitchesOfTikTok social media spellcasters are all over this story, joyfully forecasting Tom’s demise.


This goes much beyond a single account. Hundreds of TikTok witches are posting about Tom Brady and how he harmed Gisele, destroying his career. The reasoning goes something like this: Gisele is a white witch who uses divination to cast charitable spells. Brady understood this before they married, and it’s the only reason his career has lasted well into his forties.


Gisele has cast protective wards to safeguard Tom’s body, spells to improve his athletic ability, and potions that allow him to freeze time and stop the ageing process. Brady and his witch wife agreed that she would support his athletic efforts in exchange for him retiring at 45, the tarot number for making “positive life changes,” which meant abandoning football to spend more time with his family. Brady broke his commitment to Gisele when he announced his comeback to the NFL after a 40-day retirement — a figure that is significant since 40 is the number for pursuing one’s life’s mission, or the soul’s yearning.


So, not only did Tom refuse to retire at the agreed-upon age of 45, but he also damaged Gisele by returning to the NFL after only 40 days, demonstrating that his soul belonged to the NFL and football, not his wife and family.

Gisele, as a white witch, will not cast hexes and spells to bring her ex-husband down, rather she will devote her time to herself and her family. As a result, the spells she cast on Tom will vanish, the wards will fail, and he will be alone for the first time since 2009. When that happens, his career will come to an end as he ages. Brady will collapse into oblivion, and have the worst season of his career.


Remember when Brady took a break during training camp and showed up looking gaunt? The witches of TikTok believe this was a punishment by Gisele. She forced Tom to appear in front of the world looking hollow and lifeless, showing his face without her wards in effect.

Normally, I am opposed to conspiracy ideas. I despise swindlers who feed on people’s concerns and anxieties in order to convert them into customers in order to earn a quick buck. It’s all the same, and whether you tell people the moon landing was a hoax, that lizard people run the world economy, or that The Daily Wire created everything, the objective is the same: keep people afraid so they keep buying mindlessly.

That being said, I am all in on Tom Brady extending his career through witchcraft. Brady basically told the world in 2019 that Gisele casts charms on him, and we barely batted an eye.

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